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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After that, I decide to check out the local market on Strada Victoriei. It’s packed! I’m dodging people left and right. I see this old dude selling handmade crafts. He’s got these wooden toys that are kinda cool. I’m like, “Dude, how much?” He says, “For you, my friend, 20 lei.” I’m like, “For real?!” I mean, I get it’s handmade, but c’mon! I’m not made of money! So I just smile and walk away, but I’m still thinking about those toys.

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